Joe Bob’s BULLSHIT-O-METER: Cinco de Mayo Sombreros, Foreign movies with subtitles, and the Great American Tariff Party
Bullshit Level: Full-throttle, two-stroke rage
I don’t usually need two rants in one day—but this country’s serving bullshit like it’s a holiday buffet and I’m sittin’ front row with a broken plate and a bottle of Pepto.
First up: Cinco de Mayo. – Culture Issue #1
Second? Tariffs on foreign movies. – Culture Issue #2
Both proof that America ain’t in crisis because of outsiders—it’s in crisis because we keep sellin’ fear like fireworks and callin’ it freedom.
Part I: Cinco de Marketing—The Costume Party Masquerading as Culture
Today’s Cinco de Mayo, which means two things:
Taco chains are printing cash, and
Half the folks buying those tacos don’t actually give a damn about Mexican history, families, or culture.
Let me break it down for the back row:
Cinco de Mayo commemorates the Battle of Puebla, where Mexican forces beat the brakes off the French. It’s not Mexican Independence Day. It’s a story of resistance, grit, and underdog victory. You’d think America would relate.
But we turned it into a party where performative patriots dance to reggaeton while sharing Fox News posts about “border invasions.”
You love the tacos. You just don’t wanna sit next to the folks who made ’em.
That’s not culture. That’s consumption in a costume.
If you wanna celebrate Mexican culture?
But if your idea of solidarity is a $3 margarita and a photo with a fake mustache, stay your ass home and Google “empathy.”
Part II: Tariff Tantrums and the War on Subtitles
As if that wasn’t enough for one damn Monday, Trump just announced a 100% tariff on foreign-made films—claiming it’s to bring movie jobs back to the U.S.
You hear that?
The guy who lived off reality TV is now banning reality from movie night.
Let me say this slow:
If your freedom can’t handle a French film or a Korean thriller, maybe you ain’t that free to begin with.
We’re the country that invented blockbusters. We gave the world jazz, Star Wars, and Spielberg. And now we’re scared of subtitles?
Tariffs on foreign films ain’t about jobs. They’re about control—about punishing anything global, nuanced, or different. It’s a tantrum dressed up like a policy.
And the kicker?
Most so-called “American” movies are filmed in Canada anyway. Tariffs or not, Hollywood’s been outsourcing more than a fast food chain on fire sale.
Why This Matters
Because both these headlines—Cinco and cinema—are just mirrors. They reflect the same damn problem:
We don’t protect culture. We package it. We don’t build bridges. We build branding.
And if you dare bring up real issues—like immigration, equity, or who actually gets paid in this economy—you get labeled “woke” or “unpatriotic.”
Well here’s a thought:
Maybe the most patriotic thing you can do is tell the truth.
My Family Ain’t a Theme
This ain’t abstract for me.
My stepmom is Hispanic. My sister—Liberty Lane—is half Mexican American. She ain’t wearin’ her identity like a sticker. She’s livin’ it. And when she speaks, she brings grace with fire.
So yeah, I take it personal when whitewashed politicians try to profit off the same communities they scapegoat year-round.
And I sure as hell take it personal when they act like banning foreign films is some kinda victory for the “heartland.”
Buddy, my heartland got two screens at the drive-in—and both are broken.
Real Patriotism Ain’t Scared of Culture
If you’re really about freedom, you gotta be about:
Art that challenges you
History that humbles you
And neighbors that don’t look like you
What we got instead is popcorn fascism and heritage-themed hypocrisy.
So if you’re out here:
Partyin’ on Cinco but quiet about immigrant rights,
Ragin’ about tariffs but never read a foreign story that moved you,
Preachin’ “America First” but never asked who gets left last…
Then you ain’t protectin’ freedom. You’re just cosplayin’ as a patriot with a Bud Light and a sticker that says “I voted wrong.”
What to Do Instead
1. Educate Yourself
Start here:
2. Amplify Real Voices
This week, check out [Liberty Lane’s Porch Talk]—she’s speaking from the roots. Not the headlines.
3. Vote With Your Wallet and Your Vote
Support artists, restaurants, and candidates who get it. Who believe in pluralism, not propaganda.
4. Stop Sharing the Bullshit
Cinco de Mayo memes with fake accents? Delete ’em.
Posts praising tariffs like they’ll save the soul of America? Laugh, then unfollow.
Final Word
You don’t fight tyranny with dress-up.
You don’t win back dignity with party favors.
And you damn sure don’t protect culture by fearin’ it.
So if you’re still confused about whether this country needs a wall or a mirror, ask yourself:
Would your kind of freedom survive a foreign film festival? Or a real history class?
Want more truth with a side of fire?
Check out what I put on TikTok today. Here and here.
I can’t imagine Ezra will be quiet this week. There is some Constitutional bullshit going on in our country every damn day.
Or stick around for Liberty’s next Porch Talk—she’ll clean up after my fire with dignity.
Call to Action:
Share this if you’re tired of the costume party. Tag someone who thinks patriotism comes with seasoning. And remind ‘em: it ain’t culture if it’s a damn costume.